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Snore and you sleep alone. After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired.

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Saw a guy on a date use a tip calculator app and instantly add 15% more of a chance she has to “be up really early tomorrow. How classical maestros also used their batons to stab each other in the back: A trip to the pharmacy leads to some shocking revelations for this father’s son. Have you heard this one? hot dates at seventy.

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Funny: this old lady says marriage is as easy as 1,2,3,4. Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day i will meet someone who will hate them with me. Be safety conscious. My wife is going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.

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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? These hilarious one-liners are monstrously funny. Previous post:

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